A.LATONA
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WHAT DOES SOCIETY WANT FROM ME? 

WHAT IS SOCIETY WILLING ME TO DO? 

I AM NOT BORN.

   

i am the monster
where are you going
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satiate

envelop

GROW

come back come back come back

forgive

go away

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disoriented and derailed
i want so many things

and then

i want nothing at all

misgiving

misfortune

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crass

          /demure

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u are lost

try 2 get out

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NOT DIFFERENT.

Just separate. nothing has changed. it is impossible.

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carried

 

forlorn

 

forgot

this is an illness

fully pure

iconic and over

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h i g h l i f e   /   r e a l   l i f e,

close to success but never succeeding

the pain you internalize

LISTEN AND YOU WILL HEAR US

   

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am i you? are you me?                     

 

transpire

 

be where you are

ok?
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i am a reminder. 

spaced out. 

roundtable. 

and you will.

    coercion / 

 

finite / 

terse

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get under

your skin

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I WANTED TO KNOW

YOU WERE PROUD

 

 

 

what kind of secret was i?
I GUESS I knew it.
i really knew it all along.

 

 

SUBSTITUTE.

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CATHEXIS

have you ever loved someone when no one was looking have you ever made yourself whole again with your eyes closed did you find what you were looking for i just can't look i hope you find this stupid and uncomfortable i dare you you will keep reading go ahead and read this out loud to your friends pretend it is a joke pretend you don't remember pretend you are fine pretend i deserve it pretend everything was my fault keep one hand on your heart and the other over your eye skew your vision throw off your perception and find love this is not what i had planned it's killing me i kept all of your plants alive as long as i could i made jokes about forgetting to water them but i always did i always did i always did i always did meanwhile i dreamed it was pretend and woke up next to myself lying to myself i won't water them today i won't water them today but the soil was always wet when the door shut behind me everyone knows this is about you it's always about you if i gave a shit i would align with you on the comet coattails you ride through outer space instead i will rocket past them the only propulsion being me being me being me being me

 
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am i okay?

 

does it scare you?

visualize

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Should i become the person you wanted me to make you

?

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i do this for me

 

b u i l d

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strange

"Blessed"

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I PRACTICED ANSWERING THE PHONE

sound sweet

don't freak out

polite

polite

polite

soft

gentle

beautiful

calm

mostly calm

aLONE

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shut up shut up shut up
spit at her
shut up
keep running

i ran past here before
chase me
remember? 
just like after the wedding
in front of the church.
and hey
don’t say a word unless it sounds good
actually
don’t say a word at all
touch it, feel it break
shut up shut up
shut up
is this mine? can i feel it? am i in my head?
does everything float around you too?
shut up shut up shut up
it’s nothing
it is nothing
it’s really nothing i swear
it doesn’t mean anything
relax
calm down
it’s nothing
shut up shut up shut up
i spit it out
does it sound better now?
how do i say it so you hear me?
am i even in here? am i really in here?
is this happening?
was i ever in here?
were you?
hold on. let go. blow it out.
is this enough yet?

i am a ghost

t h i n k  of me

i am still here every day

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i am the confluence of nowhere and everywhere

exploring the abyss of my mind only to find myself 3 or 4 times a day every time and it is hard to maintain the emotional solidarity between what i want and what i need wanting 2 be loved and needing to disappear completely the discovery of what i am to be puts want and need at a stalemate one to be the penultimate choice in a long list of celestial ideas i cannot decode my soul is a mouth

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i dont wanna die from this

run and hide from this. CAPSULE. 

 

drawn / 

disasteR / 

forever

 

 

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planning on failure

net worth

              here

go AHEAD AND FIND YOURSELF

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finding & escaping the dreamteam

your physique

crossed out

bought out

brown paper angel

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What is immunity?

i am the b r o k e n

a b s t r a c t s   o f   y o u r

 

 

 

 

 

imagination

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living

CLOSING THE GAP

RUNNING

IN

PLACE

in

outer

space

 

colliding

 

with the human race

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trap / 

keep / 

learn / 

buy / 

share

Nineteen, outspoken, groomed,
nudging at the fervor
for underprivileged discourse.

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s  c  a  r  e  d

true

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i love you too

hey ANGEL

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i am insulated.

I SEE NO HATE; I SEE NO VIOLENCE.
I LIVE ON AN IMMOVABLE PLANE, DISINFECTED AND TRAMPLED INTO HELL.
ARE YOU, TOO, DRUGGED INTO SUBMISSION? BULLIED INTO SILENCE?
THEY DON’T WANT US TO BE SPITEFUL AS WE DECAY.
AND NOW THERE IS NO YOU, THERE IS ONLY ME. DON’T YOU GET IT?
THERE IS BLOOD RUSHING TO MY HEAD,
I SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE HANDFULS OF BROKEN PEARLS IN MY POCKET.
VAGUE LIKE CINNAMON, PARCHED LIKE A FISH.
I KNOW IT’S TOO LATE, WE’RE SHIPWRECKED AND GOING DOWN,
BUT I HOLLOW OUT MY EYES SO I CAN SEE MORE OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE, MORE OF WHO I REALLY AM. I AM INFRARED, I AM SORE.
THIS IS MY RECITAL AND I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE WORDS.
DO YOU KEEP YOUR HONOR IN YOUR SOUL?
DO YOU FALTER WHEN FACED WITH THE TRUTH?
DO YOU CRY AS YOU’RE FORCE-FED THE FUTURE?
DO YOU DIGEST THE SAME NOISE AS ME?
I WILL AFFIX THIS HEART TO YOUR CHEST.
BOSSY, CROOKED AND DEMURE.
I AM INSULATED.

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I wrote a ransom note to myself
 

Reclaiming the stellar expanse of my imagination. It is mine. I repeat. It is mine. a heaven i always knew.

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Pacific beige
velvet skin

foaming divinity

aluminum baby

Your palatable

lunacy


a nd  h  o n e   y s u c    k l e    

s w e e     tne s s
 i n   a       f      a c e         d   o w n  

r eal i t y 

Salivating for that scorpion handshake
 

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everything is scattered

i remember it all
consuming me, underwater
the sky through the clouds
i know i can bury it
yet i let the land lie fallow
nothing worth unearthing the quiet soil for
nothing worth saying
sharing
sending
received
read
opened
viewed
my arms stretched
netted
i am wearing my skin
do you wear anything at all

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you might find me, i am inside myself.

I was sour. Nothing sweet, always sour. I spread your name onto my gums and it was sour. The way my phone buzzed, rang and lit up was sour. Memories sat on my tongue fizzing for days and days. I forced them down but it was always sour.

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DID YOU WRITE ANYTHING DOWN

 

ANY TANGIBLE

MEMORIES

DO YOU HAVE

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DO YOU CARRY ANYTHING ANYMORE

EVERY DAY

 

 

ALL DAY

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YOU ARE A GIANT

PIECE OF THE UNIVERSE

MELTING INSIDE ME

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YEARN FOR THE PAST

FIGURING. SCORN. DELIRIOUS. FADED.

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I AM SCARED OF THINGS I DO NOT HAVE

 

OF THINGS

I DO NOT

UNDERSTAND

i won't

but i wonder.

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RESILIENCE IS 

FASCINATING

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