come back come back come back
u are lost
try 2 get out
h i g h l i f e / r e a l l i f e,
close to success but never succeeding
the pain you internalize
I WANTED TO KNOW
YOU WERE PROUD
what kind of secret was i?
I GUESS I knew it.
i really knew it all along.
have you ever loved someone when no one was looking have you ever made yourself whole again with your eyes closed did you find what you were looking for i just can't look i hope you find this stupid and uncomfortable i dare you you will keep reading go ahead and read this out loud to your friends pretend it is a joke pretend you don't remember pretend you are fine pretend i deserve it pretend everything was my fault keep one hand on your heart and the other over your eye skew your vision throw off your perception and find love this is not what i had planned it's killing me i kept all of your plants alive as long as i could i made jokes about forgetting to water them but i always did i always did i always did i always did meanwhile i dreamed it was pretend and woke up next to myself lying to myself i won't water them today i won't water them today but the soil was always wet when the door shut behind me everyone knows this is about you it's always about you if i gave a shit i would align with you on the comet coattails you ride through outer space instead i will rocket past them the only propulsion being me being me being me being me
Should i become the person you wanted me to make you
i do this for me
b u i l d
I PRACTICED ANSWERING THE PHONE
don't freak out
i am a ghost
t h i n k of me
i am still here every day
planning on failure
go AHEAD AND FIND YOURSELF
What is immunity?
i am the b r o k e n
a b s t r a c t s o f y o u r
with the human race
s c a r e d
i am insulated.
I SEE NO HATE; I SEE NO VIOLENCE.
I LIVE ON AN IMMOVABLE PLANE, DISINFECTED AND TRAMPLED INTO HELL.
ARE YOU, TOO, DRUGGED INTO SUBMISSION? BULLIED INTO SILENCE?
THEY DON’T WANT US TO BE SPITEFUL AS WE DECAY.
AND NOW THERE IS NO YOU, THERE IS ONLY ME. DON’T YOU GET IT?
THERE IS BLOOD RUSHING TO MY HEAD,
I SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE HANDFULS OF BROKEN PEARLS IN MY POCKET.
VAGUE LIKE CINNAMON, PARCHED LIKE A FISH.
I KNOW IT’S TOO LATE, WE’RE SHIPWRECKED AND GOING DOWN,
BUT I HOLLOW OUT MY EYES SO I CAN SEE MORE OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE, MORE OF WHO I REALLY AM. I AM INFRARED, I AM SORE.
THIS IS MY RECITAL AND I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE WORDS.
DO YOU KEEP YOUR HONOR IN YOUR SOUL?
DO YOU FALTER WHEN FACED WITH THE TRUTH?
DO YOU CRY AS YOU’RE FORCE-FED THE FUTURE?
DO YOU DIGEST THE SAME NOISE AS ME?
I WILL AFFIX THIS HEART TO YOUR CHEST.
BOSSY, CROOKED AND DEMURE.
I AM INSULATED.
I wrote a ransom note to myself
Reclaiming the stellar expanse of my imagination. It is mine. I repeat. It is mine. a heaven i always knew.
a nd h o n e y s u c k l e
s w e e tne s s
i n a f a c e d o w n
r eal i t y
Salivating for that scorpion handshake
everything is scattered
i remember it all
consuming me, underwater
the sky through the clouds
i know i can bury it
yet i let the land lie fallow
nothing worth unearthing the quiet soil for
nothing worth saying
my arms stretched
i am wearing my skin
do you wear anything at all
you might find me, i am inside myself.
I was sour. Nothing sweet, always sour. I spread your name onto my gums and it was sour. The way my phone buzzed, rang and lit up was sour. Memories sat on my tongue fizzing for days and days. I forced them down but it was always sour.
DID YOU WRITE ANYTHING DOWN
DO YOU HAVE
DO YOU CARRY ANYTHING ANYMORE
YOU ARE A GIANT
PIECE OF THE UNIVERSE
MELTING INSIDE ME
YEARN FOR THE PAST
FIGURING. SCORN. DELIRIOUS. FADED.
I AM SCARED OF THINGS I DO NOT HAVE
I DO NOT
ok ok ok. 1% of me misses nashville in this (weird, fleeting) moment
tfw when you are 100% right
one time my cousin and i made a fake band on MySpace called Nightmare In My Grave. our songs were us screaming over a bop-it and a rainstick
just realized it's weird i call my dog "my favorite lil Nebraskan hotdog eating contest winner" her name is roo, ive never been to nebraska